Hi! I’m Elsje

My first-hand experience as part of a Step family

The day my husband and I got married I thought, “Elsje, you’ve been waiting 10 years for this, now you have a chance at a second marriage and a new family, this is going to be a loving fun filled home filled with lots of laughter and new happy memories.”

Oh, boy… little did we know what a great disillusionment awaited us.

Being part of a blended family is no joke, especially if you’ve been a “lone ranger” for a long time and did your own thing with your only child, planned your life in a way that only suited your kids and you. The transition from a single parent of 1 to a new family of 5 in total was an awakening.

Of course, the children also did not welcome these changes in their lives with open arms, on the contrary, the children experienced a huge loss. They no longer had a single parent’s undivided attention. We now had to consider others in the home, their emotions, personality and personal space, to name just a few examples.

This journey made me very humble and dependent on my Heavenly Father. Each day, we can learn more from each other and assist others who are going through this transformation process.

What is a stepfamily?

It is a family unit where one or both partners have children from a previous relationship, but they have combined to form a new family.

It is also called a blended family, reconstituted family and the funniest definition is a “complex” family, and believe me:  “Complex it truly is!”

Step families are not a new term, in fact, stepfamilies are probably the most realistic representation of South Africa’s homes today, as only 25% of families are part of a nuclear family.

Some of the bigger challenges that Step Families face are:

• Expectations
• Sibling rivalry and personal space
• Meeting everyone’s needs
• Different discipline styles
• Communication and conflict skills
• Personality of each family member

Although I am sure you can tell me of more challenges that you’ve faced and overcame.

Being part of a blended family feels like a seen out of “The Brady Bunch” – hilarious and out of this world with mixed emotions of anxiety, love, anger, laughter, fear, joy, forgiveness, kindness, self-reflection, many many prayers and lots of grace for everyone.